three

My hands smell like vinegar for some reason, and I can not stop smelling them.

I used to share my office area with 4 others, now its just me and one guy left. He's a nice, pretty quiet, hard working guy ... today he has really rank gas.

I am going to Ireland in 2 weeks from today and I am not at all prepared. I mean I don't even know how to say "hello" in Leprechaun yet.

they like me they really like me

You see that ... in the comments of my last post? Someone actually left a goddamn comment. AND it was someone I don't even know or has ever left a comment on my blog before. Not only that, they asked me my opinion on something ... MY opinion. I feel so gosh darn special. Unlike my asshole friends who never comment or acknowledge my existence. Ok ok maybe that's partly my fault because let's face it this blog has been shite lately. But speaking of my jerk ass friends I was thinking ... after being back in Nova Scotia I thought a lot about the time when I did in fact have lots of friends. Friends who I saw and did things with on a regular basis. That was long before I moved to this god forsaken place and turned 30. But I can't really use my location and age for lack of thriving social life can I? Well I am going to so fuck off. Actually truth be told, with my family and boyfriend and the few people I do actually go out with, I have a busy enough schedule ... did I mention I am antisocial and lazy?

What the hell was this post supposed to be about anyway? Oh yeah my friends and how they treat me so horribly and how I am so nice to them ... or was it about my opinion about dress codes that the commenter (we'll call him or her the fan) asked. So as I was saying about my friends and being back in Nova Scotia, I was thinking and well you know, when I was in high school and even in university for the first time around, I thought I was pretty cool. Yeah I did, I thought I listened to the best music, wore cool clothes and was generally "into" cool stuff. At the time this was very important to me. I guess it is to everyone as they are trying to find their identity at that age. What is funny is that now I don't care so much, sure I would like to have nice clothes and I obviously think the music I listen to is good but overall, eh, whatever. I would certainly not snub my nose and openly mock someone because they like Nickleback ... oh wait yes I would. Well they deserve to be openly mocked, you can't deny it. Anyhow, I realized that, in retrospect, I was never all that cool to begin with. Oh the shock, the horror. I know, I know .... it is hard to deal with realizing you were never really terribly cool. The funny thing is that I always had all these really cool friends ... and I have no idea how that came about. They are still cool and well I am still a dork, it just shows more now.

Well after this post I am sure the 3 friends that I have that do read this will no longer want to be my friend ... eh well they never commented on my blog anyway ... what kind of friends are those I ask you.

As for my opinion on dress codes anonymous fan. I think they are a necessary evil, because some people need to have guidance on how to dress appropriately. Unless we're talking about stupid dress codes, like all females must wear skirts or dresses and pantyhose everyday. But generally I think I can abide by my works dress code of no baring my chest or wearing PVC ... everyone knows that's weekend wear, duh!

lazy days

Today this morning my alarm went off at its usual time. I never hit snooze. The snooze button is an evil little addiction that lets you stay in bed for an extra half hour making you late for work but not actually getting any extra sleep because the thing goes off every 9 minutes and you have to roll over and hit it again. I used to be a horrible snooze button addict but I put those days behind me back in high school ... well today I had a relapse, I hit the thing twice. I wasn't particularly tired I just didn't want to get up. The temptation to call into work sick was overwhelming, but I am not sick and I would end up feeling really guilty and unable to enjoy my fake sick day and with my luck I would end up getting really sick next week and therefore look like the lying bitch I was. And well I like my job I don't really want to get fired or reprimanded or have a talking too. Besides, thanks to several pinched nerves in my neck and a cold I had for like 8 weeks at the beginning of the year I think I have used quite enough sick days already. But don't you just wish you could call in "lazy" ... hi Dolores, this is Tree I am not coming into work today ... no no everything is fine I am just lazy and bored coming into work day after day and I thought sitting around my apartment doing nothing all day would be a nice change of pace.

Maybe we could be allotted 5 lazy days a year. But see that wouldn't work because then you'd have the jack asses that would abuse it and take them all together and go to the Dominican for a week or something, turning it from lazy days into vacation days which are entirely different. I hate those people always ruining it for the rest of us.

skinny feet

Check out this photo of me ... yes ok I realize that the flash didn't go off and it's so dark you probably didn't even realize that I was in this picture at all, but I am hoping that if you click the picture it will become larger on your monitor and you will be able to see it. If you do that and you can see it I just want to point out two things about this photograph. Firstly, it doesn't really look like me all that much, in fact I think I look just like Carolyn (for those that know her). Carolyn I hope you don't look at it and shriek in horror that I think I look like you or that this photo looks like you, it's not a bad photo well except for the fact that its so dark you can't see anything and well my feet. Which brings me to my second point. Check out my damn feet ... do I not have the worlds skinniest bony feet? It's gross, not only that they were swollen due to the mosquito bites I got the night before ... swollen pretty badly and still .... well you can see for yourself .... or maybe not. God damn it's a wonder I can walk at all.

Now I will have to publish it to see if this works.

*** it did not work, you cannot see me at all nor my feet when you enlarge the photo, oh well you will just have to take my word for it ... I am a stunning creature with beautiful feet

take this file and shove it

So I am sitting at my desk at work, and yes I KNOW I shouldn't be blogging, but I am actually trying to do some work, but our little file area is next to my office, I mean cubicle, I mean cubbyhole where my desk is. And well the fight continues over the ownership of several large cabinets of files. Its a full out administrative assistant war. I want to beat my head against a wall listening to them bicker over and over again about who owns the files.

Here's the gist of it. About 2 months ago a guy who used to work with me took a position in a different department and as a result a lot of the work he did (although it is up to debate as to whether or not we can call it work but I digress) also got transferred to that department. Part of an internal restructuring that was done. So now all the files he needed and created as part of his job are in the middle of a war, and nobody wants them. After two months of listening to them bitch and freak out at one another I am pretty much fed up. I am about to scream. I tell you what I want to do is beat them both with the damn files and tell them to fucking deal with it ... its fucking files. If the new department doesn't want them then put them all in storage, and if they don't like it then tell them to take the damn things. But if I have to listen to anymore of this idiotic arguing I am going shove one of the filing cabinets up each of their arses ... ahhh they seem to have stopped, perhaps they can read my mind ... nah if that was the case they would have stopped talking to me ages ago.

Back to work I go.

water closet

So ok it's been a month, what can I say? My life is boring. Actually I was in Nova Scotia for a week visiting friends and family and better yet introducing my boyfriend, who came with me, to friends and family. It was a very successful trip. In fact I get the feeling that my friends and family like him more than they like me. But hey what can I say? I have good taste in men. But did my parents really have to buy him a present and give me nothing ... well ok they gave birth to me and fed and clothed me and the love stuff sure, but hellooooo maybe I would like some presents too.

He had a great time too, in fact he was happier then I think I have ever seen him for such a long period. Not that he's miserable or anything but it was just a whole week of a really good happy mood even when I was having a pissy fit or two. Again what can I say? He's a great guy, but I'll stop with the gushing over my boyfriend, he will get mad at me.

So on the last night of the trip we stopped in Cornwall for the night. It was great because it had a nice big indoor pool. We went for a swim, got a pizza watched TV and had all the sex we missed while staying with my parents. Well ok maybe not all of it, but you know, it was a hotel so we put forth our best effort.

I was dead tired after all the pizza and swimming ;) and I was sleeping like a rock. But of course being me and being cursed with what has to be the worlds smallest bladder I woke up at some ungodly hour really needing to pee. I was still mostly asleep but I got up anyway. I didn't want to turn on the lights because that hurts when you are asleep and the room is dark and you turn on the light. Even in the dark I couldn't manage to open my eyes very much ... or maybe I was just asleep. I get to the bathroom door and I try to walk in but there was something in my way. What the hell? So I feel down and its some sort of rack. So I figure Jason had taken our swimsuits off the shower curtain rod and had laid them out to dry on this clothes rack. So I start to pull it out but its awkward and heavier then the clothing rack and I say "hey!! what did you do? why did you put this here?" Waking up my boyfriend who proceeded to get up and put the suitcase rack back in the closet and steer me in the direction of the bathroom.

He was, of course, laughing. As was I once I got to the bathroom and managed to wake up. So luckily the rack was there. Nothing like think the hotel closet is the can when you're still asleep and trying to pee.

the wonderful, wonderful mustache

Why do so many police men have moustaches? I think we can safely say that moustaches have been out of style for about 25 years. Yeah they're so out of style that they are coming back in right? Well not really. Unless you're doing the whole handlebar/sideburn thing ... even then it can go very wrong, only certain people can pull it off. The goatee is the moustache of the past 10 years, mind you this could all change in 6 months. All that being said, why does it seem a high percentage of the police force, as compared to the rest of society, are mustachioed? Why? Is it some sort of ranking, do you have to have arrested 100 people of which at least 20 of them had to be murderers, 10 resisted arrest and 15 were armed. None of this drunk and disorderly crap for the permission to grow a mustache.

It would seem to me that mustachioed men are likely to fall into one of these categories (with their likelihood in percentage).

1. Police 40%
2. Military 30%
3. burn out who still thinks its 1982 and actually enjoys the Doobie Brothers 13%
4. biker 10%
5. gay bondage guy 3%
6. cowboy 2%
7. older man whose prime was in the 50's/60's/70's and is trying to revive that look 2%

Is it just me who notices this, someone should really do a study.

And this is what goes through my mind on a Friday at work, I can't control it.

we're going

It's official, Tracy and I bought our tickets to Ireland tonight. I will be eating and drinking and in a general state of merriment on my 32nd birthday in a pub somewhere in Dublin. I wasn't sure we would pull it together since our only mutual available time to travel this year is for 2 weeks in the middle of September, but we did it. Now I have to book the car rental ... or rather, hire a car (getting into the state of mind ... lol). I want to (and will have to) drive but I am completely petrified at the same time. I foresee goodtimes on the motorway(read: screaming and yelling and panicking and maybe even crying on the motorway) ... why can't they just drive on the right like a civilized nation? I am going to be popular on the Emerald Isle I can just tell.

excuses

These are my genuine excuses for not going to the gym after work today ... kind of sad when I write them down like that. Looks like I'll be going after all.

1. I am too tired, I didn't sleep last night
2. I am dehydrated from the hot weekend
3. It's too damn hot, the gym will be roasting
4. I'll be so hungry after work I'll start shaking and won't be able to do anything
5. I won't get home until 6:30 and I won't want to cook so I'll end up getting fast food and getting fat and the gym work will be all for nothing anyway
6. My gym bag smells funny I need a new one, then I'll go all the time
7. My MP3 Player earphones are broken, I need new ones, then I'll go all the time
8. It'll be full of kids doing their after school thing ... wait school is over, their summer program
9. When I went last Tuesday I felt sick to my stomach and almost passed out, then I was sick on Thursday ... bet I picked it up at the gym, germy freaks working out
10. It hurts ... it hurts and I hate pain ... there, I said it

***Turns out I couldn't go to the gym because I had to work this evening. I think I would have rather gone to the gym, of course.

hvac

Dear whom ever controls the goddamn heating and ventilation at my work;

What the hell is wrong with you, seriously, what is wrong? Did we do something to piss you off? Tell us and we will right the wrong. Do you just not turn on the ventilation some days, do you think the fact that the building smells like feet and like people have been sleeping in here all night and sometimes even like cat food please you. What kind of sadistic jack ass are you? Why does it give you pleasure to turn the AC on so high when it's 35 outside that it's only about 10 degrees inside so we have to wear sweaters and long pants and then want to puke the second we attempt to step outside to run to our cars. What possesses you to keep the air conditioning blasted like this after the heat wave stops and its only 20 degrees outsides. And does Satan himself tell you that the day the humidity and heat come back to turn the ventilation off completly so all the employees can get headaches and sweat like pigs because they all wore warm clothes expecting it to be about 10 degrees. Please give us the answers, because this is getting out of hand. Seriously, stop messing with us. We are on the verge of revolting and it won't be pretty when we drag your sorry ass out of the basement and stone you to death on the front lawn ... not pretty at all.

Sincerely,
Hot, sweaty, headachy, feels like she can't breath, angry employee of the second floor.

a little something for gay pride week

I once had this boyfriend who was a little naive or maybe he was just stupid. Naive, stupid ... whatever you want to call it, I had hoped he was just naive at the time, but well you can only get away with naive for so long before it's just plain stupidity. Sometimes he said or asked the stupidest things. For example: One day he and I are driving through town and we are behind some gay guys car. At least I strongly suspected he was gay because he had a rainbow sticker on the back of his car. Not a really huge "look at me I am gay and proud" flag just one of those long thin ones, under the window of his hatchback. Now stupid ex boyfriend ... sorry I mean naive ex boyfriend says to me "I like that sticker" and I say "yeah it's cool". Of course I am being equally stupid at this point because I assume he knows what it is and I made the other rash assumption that he thought it was cool that people are proudly displaying their gayness without fear. (That sounded terribly bigoted of me didn't it ... gayness? Well you know what I am saying.) So then he says "I wonder where I can get one for my truck"

I almost died laughing.

You gotta understand, stupid ex boyfriend was a man's man and not in the rainbow flag kind of way. Although I knew what a big fat cry baby he was in private, in public he wanted to be seen as all tough and manly (even though he liked rainbows? I know he was an enigma in that way, I cannot explain, he also thinks getting the guys to get him hot chocolate with extra whipped cream in the mornings instead of coffee is manly, but I digress). So wiping the tears away from my eyes I asked him "Don't you know what that is?" Well then he got embarrassed and said "What? It's just a rainbow sticker, I like rainbows I think it's different." I laughed some more before I told him it was a gay pride sticker. He got all angry at me for laughing at him, which yes perhaps was cruel but come on ... where the hell have you been living, under a rock. It's not like he grew up in the middle of some small town where homosexuality is still an unmentioned secret. He grew up in a big suburb outside a big city.

My only regret is that I didn't keep a straight face and go buy him one and give it to him as a present.

Epilogue
He asked everyone he knew if they knew what it was and the only one who didn't was his mom.

stupid birds

We can now add birds to the list of things/people/places or animals that torment me. Seriously, why the hell do birds have to be so fucking loud at 5 am then stop at 5:15 after they have successfully awaken me but its too late to go back to bed ... why? My boyfriends house is near a lake his backyard sounds like a goddamn bird sanctuary at 5 am. It's ridiculous. And yeah all you bird lovers out there can tell me how much you love the sounds of birds chirping and there's no better way to wake up.

In theory this is nice, in theory. In theory perms are nice too, but let's face it, in reality not so much. If I am not making any sense its the lack of sleep caused by the stupid birds.

What the hell are they saying in the morning anyway?? Stupid birds.