repeat after me ... diamond earrings

There is a jewelry store here (I think they are in the western part of Canada too) that specializes in diamonds and engagement rings. They have annoying radio commercials playing all the time about how great they are because they have their own diamond buying office in Antwerp. Before Christmas and Valentines day the ad campaign gets pretty intense with stuff like ... she puts up with your crap all year long now buy her diamonds and you'll get that dirty thing you like so much that she's been avoiding for months, or my personal favourite, she's gonna dump your sorry ass if you don't propose this Valentines day, in fact she's probably eyeing up your best friend right now. Ok they are a little more tactful but basically they are completely pushy commercials telling guys to propose or they face being dumped ... oh and come buy their rings.

I guess since it's not near any major proposal type holidays and they have shoved enough "we cut out the middleman" ads down our throats they decided to take a new approach. Now if it were me, I would suggest they do a little ad that says something like ... maybe if you aren't ready to get married some diamond earrings would be swell ... because surely you can make jewelry other than engagement rings out of diamonds. But no, sadly they chose a different direction.

The commercial basically starts off with the incredible realization that diamond rings are not just engagement rings. Why, they can just symbolize commitment in general, that's right guys, maybe she just wants a diamond ring to show to the world she's in a committed relationship. It goes on to say that guys are probably unaware of how many men have been checking out their girlfriends ring finger then proceed to hit on her when they don't see a ring and it's very uncomfortable for her. Why would you do that to her? Why? All she wants to do is show the world she's in a committed relationship, she loves you and doesn't want to stray, what's so bad about that? And guys, should she really have to buy the ring herself?? You don't have to be engaged or call it an engagement ring or even give it a name, because chances are no one will even ask what it's called.

Lets put this in a bit of perspective shall we. Let me share with you how I see this shaking down, pretend with me are watching a couple and well you know, it's been a year, and they're in love and it's going just swell, they're happy and starting to think of the future. Then the wonderful guy shows up one day and gives the lovely lady this little black box and she opens it up and whoa! It's a diamond ring. So once she's stopped puking from this blind siding.

She says "Why yes I will marry you, I love you!" (or no but will go with yes for dramatization purposes)

And he says "oh well .. um ... it's not an engagement ring exactly."

She says "WTF? Well what is it then?"

He says "Well you know just to show the world we're in a committed relationship."

She says "So you don't want any other guys to hit on me, to try to sleep with me, you just want everyone to know I 'BELONG' to you, is that it then?"

He says " No I love you I just want everyone to know I love you ... to see that we are committed"

She says "But you don't want to marry me? What's wrong with me? Do you EVER want to get married? or is it just me that you don't want to marry?"

He says "Well I just don't think we're ready yet?"

She says "Well when will you be ready?"

It could have also ended with the girl getting so completely excited, that she's called friends and family and set dates and asked her sister to be her maid of honour, all before he had a chance to say it was just a commitment ring. And before he knows it he's walking down the aisle cursing the lying jackasses at the jewelry store wondering if divorces really cost as much as everyone says they do.

But let's pretend for a minute that he convinces her that he does indeed love her but neither of them are quite ready for the step of marriage yet. And she accepts this "commitment" ring.

So now she wears the ring to work. That's right, every single woman (and some men) she sees at work will ask the following three questions: "When did he ask?" "How did he ask?" and "When is the big day?" And oh how much fun it will be for her to answer back "Ah well you know it's not an engagement ring" Oh the looks of pity, the questions, the gabbing behind the back ... it would all happen. Ditto for friends .. and good lord a family function ... just imagine!!! "Well no Aunt Pearl, we are just in a committed relationship ... yes I know he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free ... what's that? ... no I don't think an 'unplanned' pregnancy would do the trick ... really we just aren't quite ready yet"

Is it just me or would telling the guy checking you out that you either have a boyfriend, that you're a lesbian or you just aren't interested would be a tad easier than that.

Can I just add that diamond earrings come with no commitment strings.